A lot can happen over coffee

I have been a coffee drinker for as long as I can remember. After I moved to Bangalore over 4 years ago, the addiction became even stronger as coffee is the preferred drink in south India. Then I got introduced to Cafe Coffee day and coffee was never the same again. Since then I have downed countless cups of Cappuccino and still yearn for more. A lot can happen over coffee, is the tag line Coffee Day has. Well, to be honest, nothing has ever happened to me except maybe some clumsy guy spilling coffee on me. But I guess this tag line does work for some people. Sitting in a coffee shop, you sometimes get to see some interesting people walk in, you sometimes get to overhear their conversation, you can hear them talk about love, fight over silly things etc. Few weeks back when I was a regular to Cafe Coffee day, I happened to be a part of some interesting proceedings. Well arranged marriages can land you up in interesting situations anyway.

I was occupying the corner table of the coffee shop when a couple walked in. It looked to me as if they had come in together and yet there was a distance between them. They took the table right next to mine. I had really nothing to do, so thought might as well enjoy some of their conversation. There was an awkward silence on their table. I thought perhaps they had an argument and so were not talking to each other. But it was only later that I found out that they had come for one of those typical meetings where they are supposed to get to know each other so that an arranged marriage could be arranged. So anyway, a conversation did start and there were moments of silence in between. Both of them clearly looked uncomfortable in the situation they were in. The guy was definitely not a good conversationalist and the girl kept reminding him of that fact. Apparently I understood that the previous day their families had met at the girls’ house, where the initial meeting took place. Nothing spectacular happened that day and so they had decided to meet some place outside, the next day. And so, here they were, trying to talk to each other, and then there was me, trying to overhear their conversation. They kept talking with momentary lapses in between and after nearly 2 hrs, decided to split and go home. I don’t think they had reached any conclusion yet. I wanted to give the guy some tips, as conversation was clearly not his area of expertise. I finished my coffee and left too.

Next day at about the same time, I was sipping coffee at the same place when suddenly the events of the previous day came to my mind. I was wondering what happened to the couple. Did they decide to go ahead with it or was that the end of the episode. Arranged marriages are not an easy proposition to deal with. It’s almost like walking into a casino and hoping that it will be your lucky day. You might win heavily, but then bankruptcy is also a possibility. Well anyway, nothing much was happening over coffee that day, so I quickly finished mine and walked off.

The following day as I walked into the coffee shop at approximately the same time, I found them sitting there. I smiled in my mind and quietly occupied the table behind them. So obviously they were not done yet and the door was still open for them. I could hear them talking on all sorts of vague topics, but mostly to do with likes and dislikes. They appeared more relaxed today but still the conversation seemed to be getting nowhere. The clock was ticking and there was nothing which could tell me whether they wanted to go ahead with this proposal. It seemed to me that the girl had some expectations, which were not being fulfilled by the guy and so she was quite unsure of even giving some positive vibes. The guy on the other hand, didn’t seem to know what to expect and was just looking for some positive reaction in order to take the matter forward. All this was taking too long and finally one of the waiters had to request them to leave, as there were other people waiting outside. They left the Coffee shop while I finished my croissant. After about half an hour when I walked out of the shop, they were not to be seen. I guessed they had called it another inconclusive day and left. But then I saw them walking on the streets and it appeared they were walking all the while since they left the coffee shop. So they had more things to discuss. Too bad I could not find out more.

The next day was quite busy for me and I was unable to stop over at the coffee shop. But on my way home, I noticed that they were sitting in another coffee shop down the road. My curiosity got the better of me and I decided to check up on them once again. So as usual I took the table behind them. The atmosphere looked tense that day. From the little conversation that they were having, I could gather that there was some major discussion at the girls’ house regarding the proposal and willingly or unwillingly she had given in. She appeared quite confused and apprehensive of the way things were moving so fast. The guy kept asking her if there was undue pressure on her to say yes. He was clearly not comfortable in going ahead with the proposal if it had been forced on the girl. There was not much talking that day and they just sat there with random thoughts in their minds. I saw the guy pointing to the Coffee day tag line "A lot can happen over coffee" and telling the girl that as far as they were concerned, nothing much was happening as of yet. There was silence again. After some time 2 more people joined them at their table and all of them decided to go out for dinner. They looked to be related to the girl in some way. They paid the bill and left and I was on my way home.

The events of the past few days set me thinking and gave me a new perspective on arranged marriages. It didn't seem like a bad deal after all. Not everyone in this world is able to find a soul mate and if those unlucky ones are able to find their soul mate through the medium of arranged marriages, its still gr8. Of course the proceedings that go into arranging a match is quite frustrating at times. It may also seem scary to spend your life with someone whom you hardly know. You may enjoy talking to someone and spending some time with him, but it’s a different ball game altogether when you have to spend your life with him. But anyway I hope the couple were happy with their decision and would make the best of their lives. I didn't hope to see them again in the coffee shop, but I supposed they would be spending time with each other somewhere else, maybe taking a drive to some hill top, having a nice quite dinner somewhere or even watching a movie. I would never know. The New Year was already here and I just hoped that it will bring in a lot of happiness for both of them and their families.

As for me, my parents were also on the lookout for a girl for me as they thought its time I got married. And of course its going to be an arranged marriage for me as well because I have spent most of my life in the Coffee shop watching other people get on with their lives while I was sitting alone sipping coffee. But I have started believing in one thing, a lot can indeed happen over coffee!!!

Looking forward...

It's been 7 days in the new year. This should be a good time to see where I find myself at the beginning of the new year. In order to do that I am going to go back one year and analyze the events which may influence the way the current year is going to treat me.

I celebrated the last new year in Japan. It wasn't an all night party, but a small group of friends having some good time in a Karaoke bar. Though I can't sing, my friends were very nice to hear me attempt it. We had some good singers amongst us and we thoroughly enjoyed the night. We didn't stay late as we had to work the next day. Our Japanese clients expected us to work even on the new year holidays. We were working on a project with very aggressive deadlines for which Long hours were put in and there were innumerable nightouts. At times we felt like just giving it all up and run away, but the thought of reaching the final goal kept us going. Around Feb-March we were mentally and physically tired. The project was drawing to an end and so was our patience. I had never worked so hard in my professional career. It was like hitting a high. I returned to India around mid march and resumed work in my Bangalore office.

Sitting offshore and providing technical support for the project which we were doing onsite was not a difficult task, but it was not very interesting either. As far as I was concerned, I had put in my bit and it was time for others to take over and carry it forward. I needed something more challeging, something which would invoke the urge to work, something that would make me eager to come to office everyday. Sadly such a thing was not happening and I spent two months on the same project. I had reached a peak in Japan and now I was on a steady decline. Around the same time, our project won an award for the best team effort and I got one for Individual excellence. It was good to see some appreciation come our way. Clearly the first half of 2006 had proved to be very good as far as my professional career was concerned.

On the personal side, things were not looking so good. My parents were eager to get me married and I resisted saying that I was not ready for it. They were busy looking for prospective brides and every now and then I would receive an email asking me to give an opinion about some girl so that things can be carried forward. I was beginning to hate this whole business of match making. Sometimes I would reject a profile just for the sake of it, at other times I wouldn't even see it and then get a lecture from my parents. Somewhere this started affecting my work and I was unable to work aggressively as I used to. Luckily my next project was not very challenging and I was able to put in the required amount of time and effort.

Five months went by, our project was crawling through. We were working with a confused customer who didn't know what he wanted. There was tens of change requests and we seldom got appreciation for any good work. The team morale was low. I was juggling between my personal and professional goals. Nothing was going in the right direction. The project got over and I was moved to another project which probably did not even require my presence. But I was there anyway just for billing purposes. December was almost coming to an end and I did not have much to look forward to in the coming year. I decided to take a break and go to Bombay for a week long vacation. Suddenly things started clicking on the personal front and the year ended on a happy note with a promise of bigger things in the coming year.

On the work front, the hard work put in, in the previous year will reap fruits in the current year. I am getting ready to take up more responsibilities and certain opportunities will enable me to do that. I may take a transfer to Pune and then seriously start thinking of settling down. For four years I've been living on a suitcase literally. I have found the girl of my choice and we may get married towards the end of 2007 (i.e. if she is still interested in me by then). Married life itself will open a new book with a lot of chapters which I will read one page at a time. So right now things look good on the professional as well as personal front. This is going to be a happy new year for me and I wish you a very happy new year as well.